How Churches Fail Adoptive Parents

Growing up in church, we always sat low, middle on the right hand side. Pew number five, if I remember correctly. My grandpa sat in the middle. It was middle-middle. Sitting next to him was grandma. Depending on who won, my sister or I would sit next to her. Sometimes, if we were lucky, one of us sat in between grandma and grandpa. Then sat my mom and step-dad. It was the perfect spot, so I thought. To my right was the exit door. Perfect for the quick and easy escape as soon as the sermon was over. And of course to my left was everybody else. Directly behind me was my only blind spot. Our pew was ideal for watching people come into the sanctuary. I would always watch for my friends, first and foremost. Especially my friend Matt. He and his family always sat on the left side, pew number three, and smack-dab by the aisle. HIs dad, Bill, was first. Next was Linda, Matt's mom, then Matt, his younger sister Valerie and their older sister Lora.

Everybody had a spot.

Everybody dressed up.

Everybody did the same thing, the same way, every time, every week.

I could always tell who would do what and when. I knew who would be early, who would be late, and who would talk to who. What was fun was when someone new would come in. Clueless of the routine and the social pragmatics, without fail anyone new would inevitably disrupt the ecosystem. To my church's credit, most gave way to the intruder.

But there was a way things were done.

And you knew what to expect. Down to when Victor would clean every week, and clean he did.

The implicit message? There's a way things are,, a way things should be, and a way things are done. Clean. Easy. Simple.

The reality? People are complex. Relationships are messy. Helping people is not clean cut, easy, simple, and flat out hard.

WHAT NO ONE TELLS YOU

It is not uncommon for many churches to push an emphasis on helping people. Most church aim for providing pastoral care to those in need, regardless of membership. Foster care and adoption are among the leading campaigns for ways churches striver to serve.