honest 1 of 2 Adjective

Everything comes from an honest place, but what does an honest place mean?

 

Honest places are places where defenses are not needed, techniques are not used to protect oneself, and genuine thoughts, feelings, beliefs, wants, wishes and concerns are fully expressed. 

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At the core of who we are is our inner life, made up of different thoughts, feelings, beliefs, sensations, memories both explicit and implicit, images, wants, wishes, goals, desires, hopes, dreams, intentions, worries, fears, concerns, doubts, perceptions, strengths, skills, weaknesses, and the list could go on and on. We all have uniquely different ways of experiencing and viewing the world in which we live that come from each of these pieces.

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Our inner life makes up the most intimate parts about us that we guard and defend ferociously. We long to feel noticed, seen, heard, understood and known...and be fully embraced. Those desires are honest places that we safeguard. Some of us feel safer than others to risk being vulnerable. Others of us may not feel safe enough to risk.

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When we talk about honest places, we are talking about those parts about us that make up the integral parts about who we are. Kids and adults alike are learning how to identify those intimate parts, and in the process learning also ways to effectively safeguard those intimate parts.

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As parents, we strive to help our kids learn how to balance the delicate tightrope of intimacy vs. autonomy, connection vs. disconnection, risk vs. protection, approach vs. avoidance. We hope to instill within our children the ability to recognize what is safe and what is unsafe. We want them to be able to know how to reach out but also who they can reach out to. ​

 

For the majority of us parents, or anybody involved in a child's life, we desire to help our child regulate their emotions and make sense of their experiences. In order for these two goals to happen, we need to find the honest place our child finds themself in. As infants those honest places are easier to identify; they are either hungry/thirsty, tired, in pain or needing their diaper changed. As our children get older, those honest places are more complex. Not only do they include basic human needs and sensory information, but they also include emotions, emotional needs, and relational aspects, such as needing to feel noticed, seen, heard, understood and known. 

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To find the honest place for your child means looking underneath their behavior and noticing who they truly are.

 

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